Way To State The Obvious
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: CRACK FIC with my characters Hazel, Kerr and Vitzy. Mix a nursery, a woman who 'failed' her exam and the proud owner of Bite Club and you are ENSURED to get a load of mayhem. Utter nonsense. No romance between named characters.


_Complete & utter crack here, containing intergenerational meetings and such, with my own characters of Kerr (misswhiteblack), Vitzy (Vitzy) & Hazel (spritesinger)_

_Vitzy… sorry that there __**may**__ be a __**small**__ Bite Club spoiler in here… maybe…_

_I don't own anything_

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"I _failed_!" Kerr groans, as she places her head in her hands as she sits down on the chaise lounge in her boyfriend Sirius' house. It isn't the yucky house that he had before, the one he inherited, but rather a nice and modern one just around the corner from the Muggle University in Hull.

"And, let me guess, melodramatic Kerr has returned to the building?" Vitzy exclaims with a massive eye roll as she sets her new book, Bite Club, to the side. "Jeez, Kerr, couldn't you have waited until _after_ I find out if Amelie and Oliver have a quick snog when they fence to have a hissy fit about failing when you _quite_ obviously haven't?" she rhetorically asks, deciding to put the book to the side for, yes, Kerr is now crying her eyes out about failing something.

"I _know_ I failed though, I began reciting the spell I needed to say in Latin in Old _French_," she wailed, loud enough to wake up the sleeping baby upstairs that belongs to Bill and Fleur called Louis. The author decides to point out here that hazel and Luna run a babysitting centre for all of the Weasley's many children and Sirius gave them the upstairs of his house during the day. this accounts for the reason why the _rest_ of the eight next generation Weasleys/Potters in the house at the current time begin to screech and wail.

And it's all Kerr's fault.

"Back up!" Vitzy calls through to the other room where Kerr's boyfriend, also known as the loveable hunk Sirius, is working on his novel – **"My time as a fugitive and fifteen reasons why the Ministry of Magic are MORONS" –** as it is probably obvious, the author had a little imagination problem when coming up with this title and on reflection ought to change the number fifteen to four hundred and seventy six. But that wouldn't make for a very interesting title…

"What's up _now_?" Sirius says with a heavy tone to his voice as he comes through. "Vitz, if this is you needing someone's shoulder to cry on because you're depressed that Amelie is moving on with Oliver, _get over it_!" he continues, evidently missing Kerr's wailing as he walks into the room and even misses the woman herself.

Vitzy shoots him a dark look but blushes slightly, embarrassed to say that she _had_ been wailing in Ghost Town when it was revealed Ollipop loves Amelie. "Whatever, Mr Moody," she retorts sharply, picking her wand up and shooting a silencing charm at the door to get the kids upstairs to shut up… or just so that she doesn't have to hear their wailings. "Look to your left and forwards slightly. Notice anything that _shouldn't_ be there?" she continues, sarcasm her middle name when she speaks.

Sirius looks in confusion, evidently hearing the out of body noises that his girlfriend is making. Then he spots what he is supposed to be looking at and his hard expression fades to concern, rushing over to hold Kerr close to him. "Honey, what's wrong?" he asks her in concern, stroking her head to calm her down.

She can't speak, so Vitzy very helpfully jumps in to assist with the explanation. "She accidentally spoke Old French rather than Latin in probably one _word_, so she thinks she is gonna fail. Who even _knows_ old French anyway?" she rolls her eyes at the absurdity of _the _cleverest girl of her generation – Hermione is the one after, so there's no conflict there – being worried she failed the test.

Sirius looks amazed and is probably about to pounce on this last question, when the door opens. Hazel appears and seems more than a _little_ stressed, though with her quiet and perfect temperament you would never normally know it.

"Vitzy, would you mind helping me out with the kids?" she asks ever so politely, but there is the devilish spark in her that the entire room knows will appear soon.

"Erm, I was reading Bite Club," Vitzy responds slowly, glancing back to where she discarded her book when Kerr came in and interrupted her epitome reading environment…

That is, of course, until Hazel waves her wand and makes the book fly through the air as it turns into a baby toy.

"This toy," Hazel begins slowly. "Will harass you _every_ second of _every_ minute until you agree to help. Is that clear?"

Vitzy nods slowly and decides to go and join the day care centre upstairs… where she walks into a scary scene…

Luna is lying on her back on the floor and is giggling like the lunatic Vitzy _knew_ she was before but just needed confirmation. Meanwhile, the kids, whose ages range between six months and five years, are jumping around the room, having decided that screaming is boring but climbing on furniture is _much_ more fun.

Whilst Vitzy goes to get the kids down before they fall and die – always a possibility when the kids have Weasley blood – Hazel decides to check on her best friend, who seems high.

"Luna, what's up?" Hazel asks in concern, making Luna sit upright with a wave of her wand. The author decides to butt in here and point out that the copy of Bite Club that belongs to Vitzy suddenly reappears on the other side of the room, unbeknownst to them all… at the minute.

"I… I _like_ this Izzle Wizzle dragon powder," Luna says with a dreamy tone – even more so than normal. "It makes me see genies jumping out of the wardrobes – look, Hazel, there's one on your head!" she giggles at this even more so than before, confirming the belief Hazel had before.

"You're high," she states simply, spotting the little parcel of white powder in the pocket. "Come on, Luna, let's go downstairs," she pulls the unstable girl with her and returns in the direction of the room where Kerr and Sirius are…

…interrupting some kissing that she _really_ wished she hadn't seen… 21 is _not_ old enough to see that!

Upon hearing the entry of new people in the room, Kerr and Sirius break apart, the tears suddenly continuing to flow down Kerr's cheeks.

"I'll leave Luna here – could you help with the kids upstairs?" Hazel asks the two adults in the room upon realising that Vitzy has managed to get them down but… made them all cry again.

_Upstairs…_

"Ring-a-ring of roses, a pocket full of poses," Vitzy begins to sing desperately in an attempt to get the eight children to give up on their shrieking, but only makes it worse because she is so very out of tune. "Oh bollocks, _shut up_!" she screeches, making her own head hurt with the high pitchedness of her tone.

"_That_ is not how you speak to children," Harry says sternly, having just appeared. The author decided here that one of the now generation people ought to come in so is desperately trying to think of a reason as to why Harry would turn up… "Where is Sirius and Kerr?" he asks Vitzy, suddenly realising why she was screaming at the kids _as they are already doing his head in_!

"Erm they're downstairs – Luna is high so Hazel took her downstairs and I think she's bringing the other two up," Vitzy says with a bored tone. Studying her nails with more enthusiasm than discussing the possible perilous situation they are in, she comments, "Aw _dang_. I chipped my nail varnish."

Harry looks at her in a 'what the hell, you care more about your nail varnish than the screaming kids' sort of way, his eyebrows raising slightly.

"Harry, what are you doing here, mate?" Sirius asks in confusion as he and a blushing Kerr walk up the stairs towards the kids, wincing at the volume increase of the screaming from downstairs to here.

"They're being so loud, we could hear them in the Auror office," he explains with a grimace that makes Vitzy laugh. "Vitzy, what's so funny about that?" he asks her in confusion as he tries to quieten Lily but fails miserably.

"Little kiddies are disrupting your searchings for baddies: let me guess, they're interrupting your discussion as to whether Bishop or Ysandre and Francois were the worst?" Vitzy, once again, brings up her favourite series in the history of time which makes them all sigh.

"You've got to be the _only_ witch, barring Hermione, who has even _read_ those Morganville book thingies, let alone discusses them every second of the day," Harry sighs at her, but the implied sarcasm and irony in his tone missing since he is having to scream this at her to be heard over the kids… who now apparently are singing "We shall not be moved…" strange…

All of a sudden, there is a white flash of light which knocks everyone under the age of 5 out, leaving an eerie silence in the room. They all look at one another in shock, wondering who had cast the spell, when suddenly… no, it can't be.

"You're _dead_," Kerr, ever the believer in stating the obvious, decides to alert the world to this knowledge.

"Yes, Kerr, I _am_ dead," Dumbledore chuckles, albeit slightly exasperatedly. "Yet these _wonderful_ children of your family are creating so much noise that in heaven we could hear them screaming. I was designated the official spokesperson to come and shut them all up."

Harry seems startled by this knowledge, so much so that he keels over flat on the floor, most likely from seeing his dead head teacher who had… arranged his own death with someone who was believed to be an enemy but actually turned out to be in love with his mother. With an already aching head, this knowledge seemed too much to be suddenly remembered, hence the passing out.

Hazel creeps forwards at this time and seems very interested in the mechanics of how Dumbledore returned in the flesh, until he suddenly decided to go pop and disappear before he could answer her questions: convenient or what?

"I think I'm gonna go and finish writing my book now," Sirius says with a grin as he realises all the kids are asleep at last – whether it be naturally or artificially he doesn't care, as do the rest of the wizarding world.

For a few minutes, Vitzy, Hazel and Kerr simply look at the sleeping babies until…

**BOOM!**

Something goes off downstairs, causing them all to wake up… but they don't cry. Thankfully.

Vitzy becomes interested in her nails again whilst Kerr and Hazel begin to pick the kids up and put them in their cots… until they reach Victoire.

"Vitzy…" Hazel says slowly, the tone of her voice distracting Vitzy from her nails and into the corner of the room where Victoire and Hazel are currently located. Edging forwards, she realises something must be wrong. "Don't overreact but… Victoire has Bite Club," Hazel informs Vitzy of the fact… and said book is currently being destroyed with the little hands of a three year old…

"NOOOOO!" Vitzy cries and digs her wand out of her pocket…

**ENDING NUMBER 1:**

She gets _really_ mad and neither Kerr nor Hazel can jump across the room fast enough to push Victoire out of the path of green light that hits her in the chest, killing her.

"_My_ Bite Club," Vitzy growls, grabbing the remnants of her book and clutching them to her chest.

**ENDING NUMBER 2:**

"NOOOOO!" Vitzy cries again as she falls to the floor, despondent in her knowledge that her precious Bite Club had been destroyed before she had read the end of it.

"Relax, Vitzy," Hazel presses, getting annoyed with the wailing of the girl who is supposed to be a year older than her. "You haven't missed out on anything. All that happens is there is a big bomb that kills Shane, meaning that Claire gets with Myrnin. Oliver decides Amelie will never love him so hangs himself somehow and Sam is revived from the dead just to find Amelie has killed herself after Oliver… oh and Myrnin kills Claire. That's all," Hazel basically gives the entire plotline away to Vitzy who cries even harder at this knowledge.

"I didn't wanna _know_!" she screams so loudly that the entire wizarding world can hear her…

And with another flash of light, Vitzy is out cold: to clarify, the author decides to point out that this is, once again, Dumbledore.

Kerr and Hazel decide to take the children to the park and so have a happy afternoon doing whatever adults do when the kids run around ragged whilst Vitzy is on the floor entirely dead to the world, Harry beside her, whilst Sirius is writing an ode to Kerr and why he loves her – five thousand reasons…

…and number one is:

_Because she can speak Old French_

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**THE ABSOLUTE END!**

**Whatcha think?**

**Review please XD**

**Vicky xx**


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